Stress is often perceived as a negative experience, but it's actually a natural bodily reaction that can have beneficial effects. According to psychology experts, stress is a neurobiological response that helps us cope with life's demands. It can be triggered by positive or negative events and plays a key role in our motivation and performance. When moderate, it promotes focus, engagement, and productivity. It also contributes to the development of resilience and helps us better handle future challenges. Therefore, rather than avoiding stress altogether, it's essential to learn how to manage it effectively to benefit from it.
Changing the way you perceive stress can change the way you feel. Here's how.
You may think stress is a bad thing, but it's actually a bodily response that has some benefits.
"Stress is simply our body's natural way of reacting to demanding circumstances. It's a programmed neurobiological response," Vaile Wright, Ph.D., senior director of healthcare innovation at the American Psychological Association, tells TODAY.
You can feel stressed by positive or negative events. "Stress tells us how important these things are to us," Wright explains. "There's no good or bad stress. There's just stress and how we handle it."
Ideally, you want the right level of stress—neither too low nor too high. “This moderate level of stress leads to optimal or peak performance,” Jennifer Beckjord, Psy.D., senior director of clinical services at Western Psychiatric Hospital of the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, tells TODAY.
Too little stress? You may feel less motivated and energized.
Too much stress? You may feel overwhelmed, distracted, disturbed, or anxious.
“Under moderate stress, we may feel more recharged physiologically and physically. We may experience a heightened sense of clarity and alertness and feel more motivated to perform well,” Beckjord explains.
Remember that stress brings valuable benefits to life.
“There’s evidence that we’re at our best when we’re a little stressed: more productive, more focused, more engaged,” Dr. Samantha Boardman, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, told TODAY in an email. “Low to moderate levels of stress can actually help individuals build resilience and reduce the risk of developing mental health disorders such as depression and antisocial behavior.”
Stress can give you a greater ability to tolerate and adapt to life’s challenges and changes. It can give you confidence in your ability to handle the next stressful event you face. It can also make it easier to take reasonable risks that can lead to personal and professional growth.
“Stressful situations and environments encourage individuals to demonstrate ingenuity and cognitive flexibility, and consequently, to acquire strategies and skills that teach them to overcome adversity and thrive. Growth often accompanies difficult experiences,” explains Dr. Boardman.
Even in a stressful situation like the loss of a loved one, we can learn or make changes. “That's when we realize that stress produces beneficial effects: we can learn from these stressful moments and learn from them,” explains Beckjord.
“We need to stop beating ourselves up for having these reflexes and feeling stressed about change, and recognize that we can manage change on our own,” explains Dr. Deborah Gilboa, a resilience expert and author of “From Stressed to Resilient: The Guide to Handle More and Feel It Less.” “We are not pinballs stuck in a machine that's being battered—we actually have control over how we navigate, even if we have no control over what we navigate.”
Rethink your perception of stress
“People have really learned this mantra that stress is toxic and should be avoided at all costs. This is actually a misconception. Stress is no more toxic than exercise is harmful, meaning stress can be toxic because exercise can be harmful, but it’s also what makes us stronger and healthier,” explains Dr. Gilboa. “One of the biggest problems people have is that they misperceive it. They think, ‘Oh my goodness, if I feel stressed, I’m doing my life wrong.’ What’s true is that some stress is unnecessary and avoidable, and if that’s the case, you should avoid it. But some stress is actually helpful and unavoidable.”
Boardman agrees: “How you perceive stress actually influences how you experience it.” The relentless emphasis on a stress-free, smile-free existence can further exacerbate our discomfort with discomfort.
She encourages us to try to rethink our perception of stress, but also of other unpleasant emotions, by viewing them as something that can be useful. “We live in a time where happiness is an urgent need. In fact, despite what toxic positivity gurus tell us about constantly thinking positive thoughts, maybe a bad mood isn’t so bad,” Boardman explains. “Indeed, if we use bad moods as data and a lesson, they won’t hurt us as much.”
For example, you might feel that losing your job is a negative thing. “But sometimes losing your job can be the catalyst you need to get you going on what you really wanted to do,” Wright explains. “How we interpret events is really the key. If you always think it’s bad, then it will always be bad.”
Beckjord agrees. “Once you start perceiving stress as something negative, you can quickly find yourself developing a catastrophic attitude toward it, which can lead to feelings of overwhelm and a fight, flight, or freeze response,” she explains.
If you can think of it as something temporary, something you've already overcome, and as your body's way of telling you to be careful, stress doesn't seem so negative.
"Our brains perceive every change, even good ones, even the ones we're working or praying for, as stressful. And understanding that our brain's initial response to any change is stress helps us understand why life feels so stressful and why we keep finding ourselves in stressful situations when we're just trying to make our lives better," Gilboa explains. "We need to stop thinking, 'I must be doing things wrong.' It just means you're in the world, you're not doing it wrong."
Focus on the things you can control
“It’s very important to focus on what you can control in a given situation. This can help keep stress at a moderate and manageable level,” explains Beckjord.
Take climate change, for example. “There are many things related to climate change that are beyond our control. We’re not the legislators, and we can’t control businesses. But we can recycle. We can use a hybrid car. We can support politicians and businesses that are committed to fighting climate change,” explains Wright. Focusing on what you can control gives you more power and less of a sense of hopelessness.
“The best way to approach it is with a resilience mindset. Resilience is the ability to handle change and come out the other side of it being the person you want to be,” Gilboa explains. “So we reverse-engineer stress. That’s how we handle it with the least negative impact on ourselves. Because there’s no question that stress can be changed… The best way to approach it so that it’s the least damaging and the most helpful is to reverse-engineer it and say, ‘Okay, in this situation, what is the kind of person I want to be? And how can I manage this change to get there?’”
Stress Management Tips: What to Do When Stress Gets Too Much
Consistently high levels of stress are neither helpful nor beneficial. Therefore, whenever possible, you should take steps to reduce chronic stress and give yourself breaks between stressful events or situations:
Cover the basics. Eat well, drink enough water, get enough sleep, and spend time doing the things you enjoy.
- “To avoid being less overwhelmed by stress, it’s important to know exactly what you’re feeling. Are you frustrated? Disappointed? Exhausted?” explains Boardman. “Research shows that when we label what we’re feeling, we feel less overwhelmed by our emotions and more able to manage them.”
- If you’re experiencing physical stress (gritting your teeth, tensing your muscles, or having a headache), try stress-reduction techniques like walking and diaphragmatic breathing to reduce this physical response.
- If you're feeling emotionally stressed (overwhelmed or experiencing a fight, flight, or freeze response), try calming activities, stay socially connected, connect spiritually, meditate, or listen to music.
- Work on building your resilience. "Some people are naturally more resilient and can respond more effectively to stressors, while others need more developed skills," explains Beckjord. Moderate doses of stress, over time and with breaks, can build this resilience.
- “Have a plan B in case of a bad day. When we’re stressed, we often end up doing the opposite of what would make us feel good. Instead of canceling plans with friends, binge-watching TV, eating unhealthy snacks, or skipping your workout, respond adequately to stress,” advises Boardman. “Counter worry with encouragement. What are three accessible activities that give you a reliable boost? Listening to music in your car? Going for a walk with a friend? Taking a long bath? Reading a book?”
- Know when to walk away. If stress isn't helpful or unavoidable, "set a boundary and walk away," advises Gilboa.